Terah startled awake in the darkness of her quarters. The young woman opened her eyes a little and looked around. Sitting up, she looked over at the makeshift bed that had been prepared for Stephi. The child was still fast asleep in her bed, thankfully. Terah sat there in the darkness, questioning what was so odd that it awakened her like that. Then she heard it... soft crying.

The sheets rustled slightly as she pulled them off herself, slipping her feet into slippers as she rose. Terah walked quietly through the quarters, out into the common room and over to the door, which separated her sister's room from the one she was standing in. The black-eyed woman pressed her ear against the door. There was the sound again, crying. Terah's face turned sad, and she knocked on the door softly.

"Jesa?" she called. "May I come in?"

A long silence held inside before a slightly tearful reply came. "Yes," came the single word answer.

The door opened and Terah saw Jesa, sitting curled up on one edge of the bed, wiping her eyes. The space between them was crossed in only a few seconds, as Terah laid her hand on Jesa's arm, coming up behind her sister with the intent to comfort. "What's wrong?" she questioned, her face full of concern.

Jesa hadn't turned around to look at her sister since she came in; she looked down now, seeming ashamed. "It's..." she sighed "Terah, it's Buck..." she said, letting out what she hadn't been able to all evening because of duty, and responsibility.

"What about him?" Terah questioned "He's okay, isn't he?" she placed her hand on Jesa's arm, and squeezed softly.

"I..." Jesa began, but her face grew troubled and she stopped.

Terah reached up and stroked Jesa's hair. "It's okay..." she said, knowing Jesa would tell her what she wanted, in the time she wanted to.

"His eyes were so cold, Terah... I know he loves me, but that hurt me so much." Jesa whispered, then the floodgates came open. "I'm so horrible for criticizing him... he's been through so much, and here I am thinking of my own miniscule hurt," she ended. Terah could feel her body tremor as she fought back sobs.

"No, no..." Terah murmured, holding Jesa to her. Terah was one of only two people that Jesa would have let this near, and the other was Buck. "You're not horrible... if you bury this, that would be the mistake, because it will drive you two apart... you have to face it."

Jesa sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I know that, Terah... but is now the time? I love him so much... why did he do that? I only wanted to touch him, take his arm... I remember when I did before... he wanted my nearness then, he wanted my touch. I don't know anymore... I know he loves me, but I don't know why that's not showing..." Jesa said in a teary voice.

"Oh Jesa..." Terah said softly, stroking her sister's hair gently.

"I'm trying to be strong for him..." Jesa whispered, "I'm trying to be strong for them all... but I need, I have needs too... I feel... like someone has taken my heart, and I haven't theirs in return anymore to fill this hole... or I'm afraid it will be taken from me... and I love him so much." She said, softly.

Terah rested her cheek against Jesa's head. "I'm sure he loves you, Jesa... but you know men, sometimes they go all loner on you, and they don't know what to do about it. For what it's worth, I think you're trying to do the right thing."

"Then why does it hurt so much?" Jesa whispered, so much different than the strong commander of other times.

Terah whispered back. "All things that are worthwhile, hurt... the truth, love, compassion..." It was easy to see that Terah truly believed that. But there were positives to all of those things, ones she thought far outweighed the hurt.

Jesa just started crying again, memories and pain washing over her like floodwaters ever rising in her soul. Terah, in the change of role from the time long ago when Jesa used to hold her when she cried, held her sister, rocking her slightly and wishing she could take away Jesa's pain. In another time, from another person's points of view, this would have seemed strange indeed... a Betazoid woman holding a changeling woman, while the changeling cried. But there was more between them, there always had been. They were sisters, if not in blood... then in heart, where it was most important.

When Jesa was finally able to regain her composure, she looked at Terah seriously. "I don't know how you do it, Terah..." she said, softly.

"Do what?" the betazoid woman questioned.

"Earn such trust from me... I'm not afraid to show weakness to you..." Jesa answered, the seriousness still in her eyes.

Terah smiled slightly. "Easy... I was weak, you helped me. You got to know me when I wasn't a threat to you... and in my compassion, you know I wouldn't hurt you." She ended, touching Jesa's shoulder gently.

Jesa reached out and held Terah to her for a minute in a hug. "Terah, I love you... I don't know what I'd do if you weren't around right now."

Terah smiled, her heart warmed by such words. But while she appreciated being here for her sister, and knew Jesa appreciated her, she knew the truth of this matter as well. "You'd find another who would fill this role for you... nothing more, nothing less."

The changeling shook her head. "I don't think so, Terah... I really don't think so. I can't let any of the crew know, and this is something I really should deal with myself. He is my fiancé..." she trailed off.

Terah grasped her sister's shoulders gently, looking into her eyes. "Jesa... we all need help from others at times... don't forget that. And no one should think less of you for asking for that."

"I think less of me for it..." she spoke softly.

"Well, you shouldn't." Terah smiled.

Jesa only answered with a deep sigh sniffing softly and wiping her eyes. A long silence lingered in the room before she spoke. "It's so ironic... I learned earlier that I'm not the only one hurting over a Gear, tonight..." she said softly.

Terah tilted her head slightly. "What do you mean?" she asked, stroking Jesa's hair back out of her face.

"Nothing really... Ethan's just having trouble with Jelandra, as he had some unspoken feelings for her... the poor man... She left and it tore him up, now she's back... I never saw it, Terah. I was too wrapped up in myself..." Jesa said, softly.

"Shh...It's okay..." Terah said softly, holding Jesa gently, but her eyes and mind somewhere else. Last night she had seen Ethan watching her, and she knew there was something more than just watching out for Jesa's sister in his eyes. She knew he was attracted to her, and he seemed like a most gentle man, something Terah liked. But what about Jelandra? Should she stay away? The young woman asked those questions of herself, but found no ready answers.

If Jesa had had more presence of mind than what she had that night, she would have realized what Terah was thinking. But at this time she was hurting too much over herself... Jesa ended the silence by shifting slightly, and forcing a smile towards Terah. "I should sleep... or regenerate, or both..."

Terah was a little curious at the newly discovered knowledge of what race Jesa was, but if there was one thing that her sense of appropriateness told her, it was that this was not the time to inquire about Jesa's regeneration cycle. She smiled back at Jesa "Alright. I'll leave you alone then." She said softly, standing and walking towards the door.

Jesa, sitting in her bed, half covered by covers, realized how she must look, and how ridiculous she must appear. "Pretty sorry excuse for a strong commander, huh?" She said with a smile, wiping her eyes.

The black eyes of Terah seemed to smile at her, "You're just who and where you should be, Jesa. Goodnight."

"I wish I was as sure..." Jesa whispered, "Goodnight."

Loaded: 06.23.2004