The walk to the lounge was surprisingly quick, this particular lounge had been outfitted with holo-emitters for alternate designs and styles, but the basic size and outward perimeter of the room remained the same so as not to appear too disconcerting. It was one of the many theme-adjustable officer's lounges on the station, available for use by the visiting ships. And there was one here that was reserved for the use of the USS Isannah crew.

The hallway was fairly busy around this section of the station, the party seemed to have picked up since Jesa last was here, and the busyness of this area made it easier for Jesa to ignore the things her own irrational emotions were shouting at her. The two ladies, dressed entirely for the occasion, and the man, in a teal dress uniform, worked their way to the doorway of the Lounge. Jesa, following a new instinct that had been drilled into her, entered first, without pausing.

Four steps into the room was all it took to get Lysander's attention, who looked at Jesa, starting to say something along the lines of "What're you doing back here? I thought you said you were heading back to your quarters for the night." But all that ended as he caught sight of Buck, the poor executive officer's mouth hung open slightly. At that point several others had noticed Buck's presence and started poking and whispering to their neighbors.

Silence slowly settled on the lounge, even the band sounded a few sour notes before they too lapsed into silence. Those who hadn't met Buck, knew him through reputation. The grapevine of the Isannah had been quite busy over the last week making sure that everyone knew of the relationship between Jesa and Buck. The whispering slowly ceased, and Jesa stood just in front, Buck and Jelandra flanking her, her face completely calm and unreadable.

Jesa stood in the silence for a moment, then opened her mouth to speak. "This is Doctor Becknar Gear who has recently returned to us, and Cadet Jelandra Gear who is taking her cadet cruise on the Isannah." She said, but the silence remained. Jesa just looked over the crowd and then uttered one last sentence "As you were." Then without any further explanation, or any other words, she made her way gracefully over to the bar, attempting to dodge most of the people who wanted to talk to her until she at least had a drink in her hand. Truthfully, she wished she could drink until utterly blindingly drunk, but it didn't work that way, no matter how much she wished it to.

The murmur of talking once again stirred up within the room, and Jesa stood at the bar, ordering a martini. Jesa didn't care for martinis really, but it was the first drink that came to mind. She took a deep breath and waited for the flurry of questions to descend upon her. At least she'd get it over with tonight instead of delaying it until tomorrow, the next day, and the next. Somehow she found as she continued to answer questions, she kept attempting to look through the crowd... searching for him. But every time she caught his eye, he turned away.

The crowd seemed to have gathered around mostly around Buck, the questions were numerous and endless, though it was quite easy for him to redirect their questions. Ethan was one of those who had gone up to speak to Buck, but Jesa just hung back in the shadows at the bar. She watched her betrothed from across the room, and in her mind, that moment of coldness in his eyes played again and again. It was all she could do to remain straight-faced and tearless. Meanwhile, Ethan wove his way through the crowd and headed towards the bar, and Jesa. Asking for a drink from the barman he took up station beside Jesa.

The commander's eyes looked rather unfocused as she looked off into the crowd, sipping a drink she had in her hand, something that smelled quite hard. She brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear, one strand that had come loose from the style she was wearing her hair in. The look in her face was distant, sober, and even slightly sad. She noticed Ethan's approach, but didn't look over at him.

Whilst looking around the room he spoke quietly, "What's wrong... with Buck?" he paused, "He seems distracted, almost robotic." Once more Ethan paused as his attention returned to Jesa.

A swirl of emotions stormed in her eyes, but she said nothing, and the expression on her face didn't change. Jesa breathed softly, then sipped again. "You know as much as I do," she said, her voice wasn't harsh, just distant.

That cold reply was enough to tell him that he had entered yet another emotional mine field. "Jesa, I think we need to talk. I'm a little concerned." he paused as the barman brought him his drink. A quick sip and he continued, "It's about Tyne, Victor Tyne."

Jesa looked over at him, her eyes directly meeting his for the longest of times. So many things could be seen in them, that it was almost frightening to behold such a gaze. Then she quietly nodded. "Okay, but not here... let's go somewhere else."

Ethan put his half-finished glass down on the bar, Jesa was already up and waking towards the exit. Everyone was so distracted by Buck's presence, they hardly noticed the pair leave. Ethan quickly followed Jesa outside of the lounge.

Jesa got outside the doors, and stopped. She just stood there a moment, as if appearing to be trying to figure out where to go. Once outside, and noting Jesa's manner, Ethan stood silently for a second, "Well I guess it we can't be seen having this conversation in an open corridor, my office perhaps?" The suggestion was off-the-cuff, but the only place were he thought they would not be disturbed.

She seemed slightly relieved, and just nodded. Then she made the effort to speak, "As silly as this sounds, I don't even know where your office is..."

With a sly glance, he spoke. "It's just down the corridor from your fish tank." He grinned slightly as he lead the way, "I don't think you're going to like it though." The look of a nervous young cadet made him smile even more and he turned to Jesa, "Well I guess this..." gesturing towards his dinner jacket "...is not standard Starfleet dress uniform."

"Huh?" she said, turning her attention to him and then remembering what he said. "Oh, yeah, I guess it's not."

Outside Ethan's temporary office he turned to Jesa, and smiled slightly "Now promise you're not going to get angry."

Jesa blinked. "I can't really promise, but I'll do my best."

With a nod of acknowledgement Ethan opened the door, and entered first, it wasn't that he wasn't polite enough to let a lady enter first, it was just automatic protection of his captain. "Please take a seat." He said, gesturing towards on of the empty chairs. Taking a seat himself he spoke quietly, "It's about Victor Tyne."

"You said that," she said reflexively. Jesa seemed rather distant as she sat in a comfortable chair across from him, smoothing down the back of her dress. She didn't even notice the comfortable office he had, nicely decorated, with an amply sized desk, a couch, and even a few nice wall-hangings, that would only make their impression on her later as she wondered which admiral she had offended so grievously. Right now she just couldn't pay attention to such things. The commander forced herself to focus on his words. Looking up at him, she nodded. "I figured you'd have some words to mince with me about him."

Ethan looked briefly around the room then returning his attention to Jesa, "You know I would never question your decisions in front of the crew, but you must know my loyalty is to you and the crew." He paused, quickly collecting his thoughts. He wanted to remain positive, and to avoid a direct confrontation. "I've done some digging, and I can't find anything on him at all, apart from his basic Starfleet history record I can find no reason to identify Victor Tyne as a traitor. I can only assume these details are classified, so I feel I must ask you, why he is part of the crew, based on your recommendations, and not still rotting in some Starfleet cell."

Jesa took a deep breath, and crossed one knee over the other, straightening her dress even as she gathered her thoughts. "There are quite a few reasons, one is based on the orders we've been given, second is practicality, third is a test, and the fourth is personal instinct, which do you want first?" Her voice was clipped, formal.

Ethan fiddled with his tie, longing for a Starfleet uniform. He removed the tie and undid the top button of his shirt. "Since I guess the orders are still classified, I think we should start on practicality." He said, pausing for a second, then resuming before Jesa could start, "After all I'm interested to learn how a traitor could be of practical use...?" Ethan silently squirmed as his attempts at avoiding a direct confrontation were fading fast.

Jesa's back straightened as she sat up bolt upright, her manner much more animated. "On second thought, it would work better if we started at the beginning. Orders... were indefinite, and basically I'm given custody of him for an indeterminate amount of time, for an indeterminate reason, and they still will not tell me anything about who this man is, and what he is capable of, or anything about him. From my own digging he has earned that rank which he currently wears, apparently he stole plans for the Axis Class starship and was promptly caught. No idea what he intended to do with them, and no one seems to care about that angle of the puzzle."

With barely a pause, she continued. "Secondly, I don't want a long term prisoner rotting in our brig, as you so eloquently put it. And the simple truth is that if he's in there, with his knowledge and experience, and with the missions we go on, he's going to get out if he wants it badly enough." Her words were rapid, and fully formed, flying from her lips with a certainty that wasn't attacking, but was strong.

"Third... if he's out and about, I can keep an eye on him, and have people keep an eye on him, without him knowing. I want to know what he's about, and his true colors are more likely to show if he thinks he is trusted, or at least unobserved." Jesa argued, trying to find out a logical way for him to identify with her decisions.

"Fourth..." Jesa began, her manner softening somewhat. "There is a lot of pain in his eyes, and his manner isn't one of a man who is out to destroy... one who fears a lot more than trusts. I have the impression, and from what he has told me that I have been able to verify, that he's just trying to make a life for himself... he lost many things in his life. I am quite open to the possibility that he's playing me, but I seriously doubt it. Yet, giving him freedom, I'd know sooner what his tactics are than when I'm in a crunch and need every available hand... I need to find out what he is all about, now, not later when he escapes due to one thing or another." She said, ending quite strongly.

Ethan paused; her reply had been stinging. He felt like a first year cadet, when asking the incorrect question to a senior officer. Comforted by the fact that he was doing this for the sake of the ship and her crew he continued, and stepped over the line. "I know you've had a hard time with Buck, his death or disappearance, but I'm not sure your emotions have not gotten in the way. It looks like you've taken this man's loyalty based on a few questions on a lunch date. A lunch date that almost got you killed." He pleaded, "Even you must see that as a bad sign."

Jesa tensed slightly, her tone became lower. "I won't deny my emotional stability has been affected by Buck's...." she paused, trying to find a word to even describe the situation with Buck. "By what happened with Buck... I won't deny that at times I'm completely irrational, but I will protest the assertion that I'm in no shape to make decisions. Because if you believe that, it's your sworn duty to remove me from command. And quite honestly, I'd welcome it at this point." She looked into his eyes, letting the words hang in the air. He didn't want to respond to that statement, there was a little too much broken glass for him to tread around to safely exit the trap she laid for him without some injury.

"I don't trust him, Ethan. But I am willing to give him a chance. After all, if anyone on this ship has given more reason to distrust, it is me. My people murdered thousands of yours... my people called you inferior, and to be dominated... Changelings can't be trusted." She said, clutching her fist in anger, resting it on her knee. Her thoughts turned to more familiar prejudices. The question still lay in her mind if she was doing the right thing by him, or anyone.

Ethan remained silent, staring at her clutched fist. Then he shifted, and adopted a more formal tone "You're the captain; it's your decision. As for your emotional rationality, I leave that in the domain of our counselors, and act upon their advice." Ethan paused, admitting defeat.

Jesa blinked, realizing her thoughts and the way her voice had come, and two tears fell to the folds of her dark blue dress. Her voice came back soft. "I'm sorry, Ethan..." she forced her hand to relax "I'm dealing with this the best I can. Buck... that's wholly another story. I don't think I'm behaving irrationally, emotionally, yes..." she turned her eyes towards him. "Can you really blame me?"

Ethan's eyes moved from her unclenched hand to her face. The two tears that rolled down her face showed that Jesa held no malice towards him. "I'm sorry, if there's any thing I can do..." his voice trailed off, unsure what to say or do next. After all Buck was... alive.

"It will get better." She whispered, almost more to herself than him. Straightening her posture she looked up again. "I understand... your concerns, about everything. Your words don't fall on deaf ears, Ethan. Do come to me with things you see, it is important that you do, especially right now."

In an attempt to make light of the situation Ethan offered a mock salute, "Aye, aye skipper." He rose from his chair, and offered his hand to Jesa.

She took his offered hand, gently, but a pain still showed in her eyes. "You're right about one thing, Ethan. But you have the right to understand something... I can't stand captivity..." she said "And it is true that I react more to this than maybe someone else would... but I was kept in a box for years... only a sixth of a meter in all directions..." she looked down "I can't stand that... I could do nothing, nothing but watch for the faintest bits of light of those entering that laboratory closet... though I couldn't communicate with them at all. I had done nothing..." Jesa shook her head.

Unable to find the right words, Ethan could only utter an apology, "I'm sorry I never knew."

Jesa's eyebrows lifted at his apology and a slight smile drew across her face. "I know... there are two hundred years of things you never knew about me, you can't apologize for all of them. They're what makes me so dangerous." She said, letting it hang in the air.

Ethan smiled weakly, "Two hundred years... and I thought I was beginning to feel old."

Jesa twirled around once in her dress. "Don't look a day over twenty nine, though." She smiled, then tilted her head slightly. "How about you? How are you holding up?"

Ethan looked up, surprised, "Me? Oh I'm just peachy. I mean, Buck's alive, and my two best friends on the ship are back together."

Jesa smiled slightly at the 'back together' part, but that could be thought about later. She sat down, and spoke softer. "That wasn't quite what I was talking about... Jelandra was in my office earlier today and I sent her to you."

The smile on Ethan's face disappeared, "I know, and thank you." He was about to leave it at that but... "Did you know, before she left I was ready to quit Starfleet for her." He scanned the room, unable and unwilling to look at Jesa.

Jesa looked down, folding her hands in her lap. "No, I didn't..." she smiled a little "I was accused earlier of being blind because of my feelings for Buck, and I now really realize it's true... I'm sorry, Ethan. I didn't know what went on between you two..."

Ethan smiled once more, not through joy, but embarrassment, "It was stupid, I would have done anything for her, but I don't think I ever her told that I actually loved her," Ethan started to laugh slightly. "I'm not even sure how she felt about me." After managing to stop laughing he continued more serious, "And the funny thing is... now, I'll never know."

'What would Terah say?' Jesa asked herself silently. Her sister was always so much better than her at these sorts of things. Jesa looked down and then met his eyes. "It's not stupid... unwise, yes..." Jesa smiled slightly "But even those of us who've been around a long time, never really do seem to learn... we fight it, but caring for someone does strange things to a person." Jesa paused, then slowly reached out and touched his arm, giving it a quick squeeze.

Ethan nodded his thanks, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lay that on you. What say we leave this place and get back to the party." With a forced grin Ethan added "Your crew will start to talk."

Jesa shook her head, smiling "In my book, I'm the one who has been taking advantage of your ear far too much as of late, not the other way around, okay?" she said, tilting her head and looking at him, trying to let him know that she didn't mind. She paused and then spoke again "And as for the crew... I think I've learned they'll talk no matter what. I mean is it my fault I have an entirely male senior staff?"

Ethan moved towards the door, and glanced back at Jesa, "I guess your right, but wearing a dress like that..." his voice trailed off, with a false grin from ear to ear on his face.

Her voice turned joking, "Hey! This is a perfectly modest dress..." she said, walking towards the door, but her voice was almost equally false as his grin. She wasn't feeling particularly festive.

Opening the door and walking into the corridor Ethan turned, looking tired, "If you say so... Captain."

Jesa put a hand gently on his back, leaving it there for a moment then removing it before someone's prying eyes reported them to the grapevine. Though, she had already noted there was no one around to observe them. Lowering her tone, she spoke, "Seriously though, Ethan, if you want to talk, my door is open, okay? Maybe even breakfast sometime or something of the kind."

Avoiding the obvious joke, Ethan stopped and turned, "Thank you, and likewise, Jesa, any time you want some one to listen. I'm sorry but I'm tired and I'm going to call it a night, I've got an important meeting tomorrow with the Senior Fleet Engineer, would you mind passing my apologizes onto the rest of the crew..." in a slightly quieter voice he continued, "... and to Jelly."

Jesa continued walking with him, but dropped her head slightly. "I wasn't planning on going back either... I can't stand to... watch him from across the room like that. I thought I'd go check up on Terah and Stephi, then head to bed... didn't get much sleep last night due to... interruptions."

"Interruptions... nothing serious, I hope," he intoned softly.

"No... just annoying," she shook her head. "And try not to worry about me, alright? Not saying you would, just if you were..." she trailed off, realizing how stupid she was sounding.

With his head feeling heavy with each step Ethan's pace slowed to a crawl. "I think we're both tired, I'll catch you tomorrow, with an update from the fleet engineers. Good night."

"Agreed...." Jesa said, watching the slowness of his steps. "Goodnight, Ethan." Then he sighed slightly, turning and disappearing down the corridor. She watched him go for a moment, wondering if his sense of responsibility would make him go back to just "check" on what was going on, then turned off towards her own quarters... trying very hard not to think at all.

Loaded: 06.09.2004