Jesa walked through the corridor with her signature quick 'don't mess with me, I'm on a mission' gait. Not that anyone would have thought of messing with her, but it was just so much a habit now that she didn't think about how to stop and think about how to change it. If she even thought it needed to be changed after all. Midway down the hallway, her comm. badge beeped.

"Johnson to Callen" his voice came in over the badge.

'Am I the woman of the hour, or what?' she thought, giving it an impatient slap.

"Callen here!" she said, rather excitedly, though not rudely.

"We're about an hour away from being ready to depressurize the ship and have the engineering teams start work on the hull repairs." He said, reporting in his concise manner.

'AN hour?! I've not even begun packing! It doesn't give me much time!"

"Yes, yes, stay on schedule." She returned, more calmly than her tone before.

"I plan on staying onboard with Ensign Keeves and LAURA, if possible, to upgrade the computer network."

"Affirmative on Keeves, negative on LAURA, her program is degrading and some other complications have come up. I took her offline about an hour ago myself."

"Alright, she sure would have made it easier. We'll find another way."

"Good, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw my stuff in a bag before the engineers begin gutting this place." She paused, then reminded herself to add something. "Good work, Johnson. Callen out"

And then, with time on her heels as it always was, she raced down the corridor in the opposite direction than what she was heading before, promising her tired form that she'd rest---soon.

~~

:: Systems Control Room

Johnson watched the monitor of the systems control room as the transfer of the crew to SB118 took place. Johnson likened it to rats deserting a sinking ship but this time the ship was the Isannah and she would not sink... He wouldn't let her. The hour went passed and there was only fifteen crewmembers remaining onboard.

He pressed a series of keys and ran a bio scan of the deserted areas. The computer beeped confirming no bio signatures were present. He locked the areas down and took their life support off-line. Only five decks remained. The two habitation decks, main bridge and the two systems decks. Johnson grabbed the environment suit and pulled it on. Only one crewmember remained now... Jesa Callen.

Gently he tapped the comm. circuit, opening up a link. "Johnson to Callen."

There was no response. He tried again but still only silence greeted him. He looked at the console, but he knew where she would be without looking... still he checked, regardless.

"Computer initiate site to site transport. Destination Section 6, Corridor 13, deck 14."

The blue haze which Johnson expected never occurred instead a gold colored haze engulfed him as the starbase transporters started up and transported him to his destination. He took a few steps down the deserted corridor and stood in front of the orange door of Buck Gear's old quarters. He hesitated before pressing the chime. Silence followed. He tried the chime again and still received no response.

"Computer open door 15-S6-C13-D14."

The computer acknowledged his request. He had already programmed the computer accept his and only his voice commands. The door slid open revealing a dark room beyond. Slowly he moved in.

~~

Jesa had packed. She had packed with almost a frenzied fury until there was nothing more remaining in her quarters. Jesa almost seemed detached during the entire time, just getting the job done as quickly as possible, with a minimum of repeated actions. It wasn't like there was much in her quarters, and it only had taken ten minutes to throw what she did have in a box and have one of the crewmembers haul it away. But next were Buck's quarters, and that was quite different indeed.

It was like every time she stepped through the doorway, a force hit her anew. Jesa had to force herself to stay on task, instead of fingering every little scrap of something that belonged to him. Her actions were slow, gentle, almost treating everything with a reverence. Finally the task was done, and everything that spoke of his personality, except the cheery colored walls, was removed. But even after the boxes were hauled off, Jesa remained, staring, thinking, breathing.

She held her arms crossed over her chest, resting her hand on her upper arm, just above the elbow. Her task was done here, but her purpose was not. The blue glare of the inner lights of the Starbase was the only light to be seen in the dim quarters, and she stood there looking at them, as if a moth to a flame. Her eyes, as gray as the normal color of the bulkheads surrounding her, seemed to only echo this deep blue light. No music played, as complete silence reigned supreme; only punctuated by an occasional breath by the room's only occupant.

Seven days. It had been seven days since she held him, seven days since she last saw him, seven days since she kissed him and told him how much she loved him, seven days since he lived. 'How quickly things can change in a single moment.' Jesa thought silently, her face impassive and somewhat pale. The room about her was completely bare, as she had removed his things, and hers, earlier that day to the Starbase. Yet, there was something that drew her to that room, a presence and an essence she was afraid would be lost if she left it. Jesa didn't want to leave.

Yet, at the same time, nothing had changed in the last week, since his death. The crew still went about their tasks, the rise and ebb of the activity of the Isannah still carried on despite his absence. Even now, Faulk was the Chief Medical Officer, and Jesa had to move Buck's things out of his office---an office she was sure for the longest of time, that it would be his, and his alone. It felt like everyone was trying to remove every trace of him... even the funeral was over and forgotten.

The days went on, full of long silences where his absence was particularly keenly felt. Every night was spent in tears, her hand searching for his presence on the opposite side of the bed, for it felt that was where he should be. Every day was filled with tears, when his name was spoken, and even more tears when it was not. Though she got about now, the signs and wishes were endless.

Dozens of times she had to stop herself from comming him, asking if he'd be off duty for dinner. Every time she entered the bridge, she looked for him in that seat, two left of the Captain's chair. She'd wait patiently for him to call her, at the time he normally did after his shift. Every time she entered sickbay, that playfulness would arise in her, and she'd sneak about to search for him, but then only to realize how stupid she was being, looking for a dead man. But her heart refused to believe he was dead... he just couldn't be. Fate had made a mistake; one she was sure would be rectified soon. He had touched her life in so many ways, so many permanent and unchanging ways---and seven days could never even begin to make a dent in that.

They had actually talked about the possibility, of her becoming in command of a ship. It seemed an idyllic existence to Jesa. Her love, his career, her career, her responsibilities, exploration, everything they had wanted together. Jesa loved Buck. Buck loved Jesa... that was all that was needed. Quiet thoughts continued mulling around in her mind, remembering the day's events, and the last week. She cried herself exhausted at every chance, and right now, all she felt was a deep apathy towards he pain, and an even more subtle comfort, in a presence that lived here, that was near to her.

"Jesa are you in there? Are you okay?" she heard a soft voice call, but it sounded a little metallic, like it was coming over a speaker. At first Jesa was surprised, having not noted the door opening. But then she looked back in her mental files, and realized she had heard it, just not processed the chime. Jesa sighed slightly, not moving and rubbing her arm against the cold, as they had already shut down that system an hour ago, the coldness of space beginning to slip into the room.

Johnson walked into the room, spotting Jesa immediately. She didn't turn to acknowledge him, or even twitch, though she was keenly aware of his presence, she just... didn't feel like responding. She was afraid it would break the memories. The figure of her seemed slightly translucent from his steady gaze as she shown against the backdrop of the starbase, bluish light bathing over her. It was as if she was but an apparition, not fully real. Johnson assumed it was an optical illusion of him standing in a dark room looking out onto the brightly-lit dry dock, and shrugged it off.

"Jesa are you okay?" he asked again, coming just a little closer. This time, she chose to turn and face him, slowly, tilting her head slightly back in almost a gesture of power. The light caught the familiar face of Callen she looked at Johnson, just searching his face calmly, critically; only raising an eyebrow slightly at the enviro-suit. She pondered his words. 'Okay? What is okay? Why do people keep asking me that?' she asked quietly to herself, words that were meant to be spoken falling silent into thought instead.

"Jesa, don't you remember? The ship is getting depressurized in fifteen minutes." She didn't acknowledge his words, but lowered herself on the couch, which sat against the window. She rested an elbow against the plush material of the back of the couch, and looked out... almost as if watching an antfarm in a way, everyone going about their most important tasks, things that meant nothing to Jesa.

He sat down across from her, looking at her. Jesa still stayed in her apathetic silence, though quite aware of Johnson's presense. "Jesa I know you don't like talking but if you don't talk to somebody soon its going to eat you up inside and turn you into something you really don't want to be... trust, I speak from experience."

She heard his words, but it took a moment for her to respond. Jesa turned and cast a puzzled look at him, questioning him silently without words. "It happened before I joined Starfleet while I was working on a remote planetoid supply depot so it's not on my record."

Again, she used her eyes instead of her words to communicate. They seemed to tell him she understood what he said. Jesa didn't want to speak, for she feared her voice would betray her, and she didn't want to prod him, though he clearly had brought it up to share. Finally she drew a breath. "What happened?"

Johnson seemed a little shocked at her voice he felt as if he had just heard a small child speak for the first time. It took a moment for him to gather his wits before he spoke.

"I was married to a beautiful girl called Michelle we met on an exchange program back when I was in college. We were studying engineering together eventually we hooked up and a few years passed and we eventually got married. We got jobs working on the design team of planetoid resupply depot for a corporate. I wanted to leave and join the Starfleet as an engineer but she didn't want to."

Johnson paused slightly as he gathered his thoughts; Jesa simply looks at him, her face the impassive mask, showing little of anything.

"We don't know what caused it some think it was an excavation charge on the surface others think it was just bad luck. The first the main complex knew about it was when the klaxons started wailing. I was in my quarters packing, Michelle had stormed out a couple of hours earlier to go to work in the engineering control office I should have been working with her."

'I should have paid attention... I should have known and been more attentive.' She thought, his words building mental pictures in her mind of what he had seen... had known.

"The quake hit us hard and fast they said twenty percent of the complex was lost in the first thirty seconds. I went out to the corridor and all these people were running. A friend of mine stopped to see if I was okay. He told me the control office had collapsed. I ran along side him hoping she had been somewhere else..."

Jesa bit her lip, her emotions were being poured into his incident, and everything was playing side by side in her head---what he was saying, and what she remembered of that day with Buck.

"When I got there the corridor was collapsed emergency rescue teams were pulling the survivors out after a few hours the survivors stopped and the only thing that came out was the bodies. Michelle was one of the last they got out... They found her trapped in an emergency escape tunnel... she was three feet from safety."

Johnson's voice sped up, as if he was trying to get it all out before an emotion that was chasing him caught up to him. Jesa remained silent.

"She had survived the quake but died when one of the bulkheads collapsed. Her face was so peaceful it looked like she was just sleeping. I remember trying to wake her, a friend of mine had to pull me away. For the next twelve months I just sat in our room asking the same questions. Why wasn't I with her? Why did she have to die? She had her whole life to live... her whole life with me."

Jesa bit her lip, holding back tears. That thought had never left her mind, not from the moment he died to this moment now. She always knew he would die before her, but he had his whole live... his whole life... Johnson's words seemed to flow over her, not hearing the content so much as the feelings.

"I took it bad, Jesa. I wouldn't talk to anyone I became isolated from the rest of the world, I lost my friends everything I hated everyone of those people that survived I even attacked one of the colony administrators because I blamed him for not reacting sooner. Eventually the company I was working for sent me for psych eval. The evaluator concluded I was suffering from post-traumatic depression I was shipped back to Earth."

"About eighteen months after the accident I was looking through some old data archives with an old friend of mine and I came across a picture of us both and I just broke down. After about two days I finally accepted that she was gone and I got on with my life I joined Starfleet... and the rest you already know. But the one thing I regret was not talking to somebody if I had I wouldn't have spend eighteen months reliving the pain."

Jesa couldn't have spoken if she wanted to. He was trying to help her, and in some corner of her heart, she did appreciate that. But nothing could break through the shell she had already begun to construct around herself of solid duranium. She didn't look at him, almost seemed to look through him. He rose slowly as if to leave. "Anyways I've said more than I should have. I don't want to push you but we only have ten minutes before this ship is inhospitable."

She opened her mouth. "I... I understand." She said, quietly.

"Hmm... I'll tell you what. I could do with some company while all this happens come up to the System Control suite on Deck two you can chill out for a couple of days and tell me what a good job I'm doing."

Johnson smiled as he finished the sentence. Jesa tried to smile, but it just refused to happen. Callen rose and straightened her uniform; she reached out and put her hand on Nick's shoulder. "I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate it... but I can't deal with it right now, I'm not feeling anything. Thanks for trying..." And with that she turned and walked out of the doorway, leaving Nick alone in the quarters until he too, followed her example and left.

Loaded: 03.10.2004