'I just want to be alone' Jesa thought silently. 'But at the same time, I don't wish to be alone.' She thought, contradicting her previous thought with a sigh. Jesa curled up tighter in the chair she was in, resting where she remembered Buck sitting, quite a time ago. It seemed like centuries, and yet, only moments... time was such a strange entity.

"Jes?" Terah asked, seated across from her sister on the couch, she would have normally asked what was wrong, but she knew that would be a trigger phrase for Jesa, so she steered clear of it. "Hm?" Jesa answered, the act of forming words laborious to her right now. Terah paused a moment, running through things she could have said before she did. "He was very handsome." She said, holding out the picture that was from Jesa's quarters, but that she handed to her sister, so he could at least see what he looked like.

Jesa just sat there a moment, tears stinging at her eyes as she saw his face again in her mind. "Yes... yes, he... was. " She said, then paused a long time "Intelligent too. So very kind... He loved me..." she looked down, shaking her head softly "...with all of him." She brought out his pocket watch and cradled it in her fingers. Then she looked up at Terah. "I wish you could have met him."

Terah returned Jesa's look with a smile "Me too." Then she got up and slowly moved over beside Jesa's chair, sitting down on the arm and laying her hand on Jesa's arm. Jesa looked at her sister's hand for a moment, they had always been close in a strange way. It seemed to have lasted, even with Jesa's distance from home. Jesa reached out and patted Terah on the shoulder, it was as much affection as she could show to anyone; Terah was always the more open one.

"Thank you, Terah." Jesa said finally, drawing her sister's questioning gaze. "For being here." Jesa finished before her sister could ask. Terah's kind face drew into a smile. "No problem..."

Jesa reached out tiredly for the picture that Terah held, her sister seeing the movement and handing it to her. The tired woman ran her fingers over the surface, across the lines of the image. Reality didn't have the same meaning anymore, as if it had shattered, and things that were supposed to be real, weren't, and things unreal intruded in their place.

Without even thinking Jesa spoke. "I have never been loved like that before, and never will again... I loved him with all that was me... I gave him all that was good in me, all that has now died..." she said softly, shaking her head. "I won't ever love again..." She mumbled.

Terah got up and sat on the arm of the chair, putting her arm about Jesa's shoulders, thinking that Jesa's choice of seat made comforting her very difficult, not that it wasn't already. "I know... I know..." A quiet sniffle from Jesa gave away the fact she was crying.

She looked up at her sister. 'So caring... so comfortable around me, so willing to help' she pondered, almost with a touch of envy of that sweet spirit that always was present in her. Jesa wished she could be that way. And what had she paid the kindness with? Lies, betrayal, more lies... oh, how her life was hidden in lies. She owed Terah the truth. "Terah? I need to tell you something. Something that might... make you not want to be here anymore."

Terah turned her dark but kind eyes inquisitively at Jesa. "What's that, Jes? And you know better than to think that of me..." she said, trailing off. Part of her was a bit hurt for her sister's thoughts in doubt of her, but she knew that Jesa was hurting, and she didn't need to add to it. Without thinking about it again, she shrugged the feeling off.

"It's... it's about me. About who I am," Jesa said softly, her eyes downcast.

Then, in Terah's mind, it all clicked. "You mean... that you happen to be a Changeling?" Terah said softly, trying not to offend.

Jesa's surprise was so total she jerked, knocking Terah off the arm of the chair and onto the floor. She looked at the fallen woman with surprise written on her face. Terah, as per her nature, laughed good-humoredly, though softly and pulled herself back up into a sitting position. "You're making this quite hard, Jesa...."

Her sister didn't even hear the words. "How...? How? How did you know?"

Terah's smile grew slightly wider, but kindly. "Our mother?"

"Oh... I thought... never mind." Jesa mumbled, then went over and quickly sat in one corner of the couch. She tilted her head, looking at Terah, who had slowly sat down on the other end of it, closer to Jesa, though. "You're not angry?"

Terah just laughed. "Jesa... I've admired you ever since I was waist high... you've been a second mother to me, taking care of me in ways that mom never really was good at. Of course I'm not mad... I can understand why you did, not saying it was right though." Terah said, reaching out and touching her sister's shoulder gently with a smile.

"I know..." Jesa said quietly. "Trust... never comes easy with me."

Terah squeezed her shoulder again, smiling gently, pointing at the frame which Jesa held. "Which was one of the reasons... that I know he was special."

A single tear spattered onto the frame, sitting there for a moment and then turning to a golden liquid. It sat there, writhing for a moment, then laying still. Jesa just watched it, and then reached her finger out to touch it. It moved again with her nearness, and then fairly hopped up onto her finger, the golden droplet immediately becoming part of her again.

Jesa sighed deeply, and Terah just sat there in silence, scooting closer and putting her arm around Jesa. In an unusual gesture, at least unusual for Jesa, she moved closer to her sister and put her head on Terah's shoulder, her body quietly shaking with silent tears. Terah only held her sister closer, stroking Jesa's red hair gently. She knew that it was all that Jesa needed for that moment, to simply be held.

While she spent those moments comforting her sister, Terah's mind wandered back to the past, to the time when she, herself, had experienced such a loss. Of course, she was much younger, and wasn't as alone, nor as wise as she should have been. Terah had taken the angry route, crying alone, and lashing out at anyone who had come near. It had taken a while before someone jolted her to reality again, and even now, she could still feel the loss of his company, the possibilities that had died with him, but she could live with it.

Neither one of them kept track of time, and neither could have said how long they stayed that way, each with their silent lot of thoughts. Finally, Jesa spoke, wiping her eyes softly. "Thanks, Terah..." The younger woman only brushed Jesa's hair back from her face gently and smiled. "You're welcome..." For a moment she contemplated telling Jesa of her own loss, but it seemed the wrong time. Jesa sat up again and breathed deeply, getting up from the couch.

Terah knew well enough to know that was her silent cue to leave. She stood and looked at Jesa a moment, giving her a hug. Jesa closed her eyes and hugged her sister back, something extremely rare for her personality. "I should be going now..." Terah said softly. Jesa nodded, giving her sister a little squeeze. "Alright... I need to sleep anyway."

Terah smiled, pulling away, then looked at her sister with the smile still on her face. After a moment she turned and left quietly, leaving Jesa standing there in the center of her love's very empty quarters... her eyes glanced down to the coffee table where his picture lay.

Jesa breathed deeply... "Oh Buck..." she spoke softly with tears in her eyes.

Loaded: 03.10.2004